Saturday, April 3, 2010

Rant....

Aloha! Sorry for disappearing but sometimes I just need a break from everything.......I've been in a pretty rotten mood most of the week so instead of venting a bunch of negativity into cyber space I felt it was better to just to pout in silence ( something I rarely do )
Anyway, here's the deal. I had another birthday yesterday and I hate them. Now before you start rolling your eyes let me acknowledge that I know I'm being ridiculis. However, it doesn't change the fact that I still have "Birthday Phobias"....
I'm 34.....I am now offically the age my mother was when she had me. Why is this an issue??? Well, it just is.....I can't explain why either. I never even wanted childern?? However being a childless women in your mid thirties will change things. I was told this would happen too. I remember thinking, "Ya right....you don't know me." "Biological what?...Whatever."

Boy, Do I feel like a dumbass now.

Anyway, everyone I know tells me "You'll never be ready....." But, the fact that I've been so finacially unstable for the last 3 years has me in a near panic about starting a family. Unfortunately, I don't have another 10 years to think about this either. Carlos HATES it when I say this but aging is
 DIFFERENT FOR WOMEN THAN FOR MEN.
 I'm sorry but it just is.....period!

So, not only am I feeling an incredible amout of stress about the age of my reproductive system I'm starting to notice the other signs of aging like too many grays, wrinkles, fatigue, etc. It's not like I didn't expect this stuff to happen someday but it's so strange when you first notice the signs. I think it's like getting the first few dings on a brand new car...The first ones are always the hardest. Then after awhile you just start to except them and then you don't care so much.....I guess I have not reached that level of maturity. I guess that will come with more birthdays? In the mean time I'm frustrated.  Right now I'm plucking every gray I see. Right now I'm irritated that I need more than 5 hours sleep to function these days. Right now I'm frustrated about the tropical sun that's been above my head for the last decade causing wrinkle after wrinkle. Right now I wish I was 25 again.

Anyway, If there is anything I have learned with my age it's this... Don't complain about how old you are to someone who is older....Trust me. So, I'm apologizing in advance if you are reading this and are over the age of 34.  You have my permission to tell me to shut the eff up.

Am I being annoying right now? Yes. Am I telling you exactly how I feel right now? Yes. Will I feel totally different in a few days? Probably....Will I erase this then? No.
I live in a beautiful place. I'm healthy. I have friends. I have a good family and a good relationship but sometimes I get bummed out too. That's it.

Oh and one more thing....I just need to thank (apologize) to my partner, roommate, and graying latin luvaa for putting up with me and my constant neurosis all week long. Thank you for sticking in there and for always being 5 years older.....  
Besos.
  

So what did I actually do on my birthday??? Well, nothing much.... I went to work but I was able to leave early and catch the Argentine for lunch.
 Carlos took me to Malas in Lahaina where I had the Hummus Platter and 2! full glasses of Sauvi Blanc :-)

Hummus, Tzatziki, Babaganoush, Feta, Olives, Fried Chick Peas, Lavash and Pita Points

View from our table....Rare sunny day this week in Lahaina.

After lunch I passed out for hours. Honestly, all I really wanted for my birthday was to sleep so that's what I did. Carlos had to work all night so I cuddled with Taj ( he turned 2 this week! ) and read about 5 magazines on the couch. After Carlos got home we witnessed a "Moonbow".  It was right over the ocean between Lanai and Molokai caused by misty rain and an almost full moon. Pretty cool  :-)
For my real Birthday "treat" we will be taking 2 days off next week to head over to Hana ( it's for another friend's birthday actually but I'm claiming next weekend as well ). I LOVE Hana and I beg to go there all the time but getting Carlos over there can be a challenge ( thanks to the famous long and twisted " Road to Hana " of course ). However, this is when it's good to pull the " But, it's my Birthday...." card. That's actually how we ended up in Kauai last year.( wink )

Anyway, Still doing exactly what I want I guess since 1976..... 
Aloha.....

2 comments:

  1. sorry to hear that...feel better. i've been pretty bummed lately but for different reasons - totally sucks being a lady sometimes!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am sorry you were bummed out. It's hard not to be bummed out once in a while. I hope you have a great time in Hana and take lots of pictures. I have never been there. We planned to go two Thanksgiving's ago when we came to visit my dad...but he had a heart problem scare and had to be airlifted over to Oahu. We had to cancel last minute. We were going to stay in a Yurt at this place: http://www.luanaspa.com/map.php
    Anyway, have a great time.

    ReplyDelete